Seeing as I am a woman, it so happens that guilt and I are tight. Too tight. Like—I can't breathe sometimes—tight. I don't know why it is that some of us, and women seem to have the corner on the market, let guilt ruin way too much of our potential happiness, without availing ourselves of the Potential Positive Points of guilt. Yes, you read that right, there is such a thing as what I call 'Positive Guilt.' More on that later.
According to one study 96% of women feel guilty at least once a day. Of course men aren't immune, so keep reading. The effects of guilt can range from robbing us of small pleasures up to major health problems. WebMD says guilt puts you at risk for headaches and backaches as a result of the stress, and even contributes to cardiovascular disease, gastrointestinal disorders, a compromised immune system, and depression.
It might be worth some pontification about ways to purge the harmful effects of this in our lives, thus learning how to revolutionize our mindsets. I think we all know that the thoughts we feed are the ones that grow, so it should be obvious where these kinds of thoughts will take us: "I always eat too much," "I never do anything right!" "I am not smart enough to do well in school," "I forget things all the time; I just have such a rotten memory," "All my friends are way better moms than I am." These will likely lead to more of them same behavior. However, if we can transform our thoughts and methods when we feel guilt, we can turn it into positive guilt which motivates us to do better. These are the steps I imperfectly attempt to apply:
1. Decide if I actually did something wrong, or if that is just someone else's view. If I am satisfied with my behavior, I truly let it go. I actually take a deep breath and visualize blowing it away—like a feather on a breeze. (If you are happy with your weight, or know you are actually doing the best you can as a dad, or you don't feel like it is worth the time to make your kid a home-lunch every day, or you just made an honest mistake for which someone judged you harshly...then...Let It Go!)
2. If guilt is apparent, I try to figure out what I can do to make the situation right, if possible. And. Do. It! Not taking care of it in a timely manner just stretches out the shame. I often remind my kids to, "Own It." (I think they really love it when I say that. No, really.)
3. Next, I work to determine how to avoid the same mistake in the future.
4. Finally, Let It Go.
This is my little formula for peace. When I forget it, I do stupid stuff like yell at my family, or quit functioning effectively. And that, my friends, is for the birds because, as "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoonist Bill Watterson said, "There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse."
So in conjunction with working to not heap negative guilt upon my awesome kids or incredible husband, here is my New Year's Resolution, folks: "Quit letting guilt rob me and my loved ones of one ounce of possible joy and peace the Lord is trying to pour down upon us."
