Red Skelton's recipe for a perfect marriage

Sunday, April 9, 2017 - 8:45pm
Wade C. Alexander

The Perfect Marriage

 

 

PRICELESS….

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more…

 

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

 

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the 'good old days'

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. 

And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'

Thank you,

 
Wade C. Alexander

801.859.6926

 

"Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected." - George Washington

 

"The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it.  You have to catch up with it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin

 

"Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution.  That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties." - Abraham Lincoln 

 

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it." —Mark Twain

 

 

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