Love may be 'a many splendored thing’, but it is a multi-complicated thing as well. Love is defined as ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’. That doesn’t even begin to describe the complexities involved. Love is universal ...as in, of the Universe. It’s beyond the earthly grasp of ourselves. It’s a force of nature, like gravity. Richard Ford, the writer, said of love, “I think once you love somebody, you love somebody; that’s just how it is.” It’s just that simple. You can love someone and if they love you back you’ve got it made. If they don’t, you’ve got heartache and most likely heartbreak. Gravity.
We love other people, but we also love things. We love places, food, art, religion, politics (well, some of us), homeland, dogs, chickens ...music. Why is it that ‘love‘ is the basic topic and subject matter of most songs? Love lost, love found, love gone awry ...happy love, sad love, spiritual love, crazy love? ‘All You Need is Love’ It’s probably the most common bond we have as human beings. Right up there with food, shelter, water, air ...and hate.
So, here’s he heartburn part of love. Why do we love to hate Donald Trump? President Goldfinger. And why are more people now hating to love him? It’s like hating the Yankees. We love to hate them. Why? Jealousy ...the perception of arrogance. They are the iconic, greatest baseball team in history. Period. You can’t ignore them, can’t take your eyes off them. Trump? Similar emotion, but in reverse. Can’t take your eyes off him. Like a train wreck. We hate train wrecks, but still we love them. Talk about the complexities of love ...
Then there’s LGBTQIA love. Who can deny it? Who’s to say who should love who or why? Comedian Woody Allen supportively notes that, “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date Saturday night.”
Do you wear your love on your sleeve? Do you guard your love?
And what about sex? What part of love is sex? Or are they two totally different things? Woody Allen (love his humor) tells a joke about a guy in the confessional telling the priest about his sexual indiscretions. The priest says to him, “Repent my son. Do you pledge to God the Father that sex is a dirty awful, nasty thing?” The guy says to the priest, “Yes, father ...if you’re doing it right.”
I guess, in the end, Webster’s definition of love is as god as any ...an intense feeling of deep affection.
But what about ‘friendship’? Is a friendship a love? The way it usually works is a that a friendship can turn into a love. The reverse can spell trouble in the form of heartache, heartbreak and in some cases, heartburn. Then there’s ‘love at first sight’. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again”? ...but I digress ...
I had a girlfriend in high school, she broke my heart. I thought we were in love, but it was just me that was infatuated. I misjudged the relationship. When she finally said she ‘just wanted to be friends’ I was crushed. She went on to date other people, I don’t know whatever happened to her. I went on later in life to meet my true love, married her, and we lived happily ever after. Joy.
For me, though, that ‘I just want to be friends’ heartbreak still lingers. I think it’s given me an inferiority complex that I just can’t shake off. It’s like the Catholics telling me I was born with ‘Original Sin‘. Huh? There’s a classic love song that captures the emotion. ‘Just Friends’ (...lovers no more) is a popular jazz standard written in 1931 by John Klenner with lyrics by Sam Lewis. It’s been recorded by many artists over the years including Billie Holiday, Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin, Johnny Mathis ...I think Sarah Vaughn’s is the most widely recognized rendition. It’s a beautifully sensitive ballad recounting a once love exiled to friendship. Tragically sad in it’s inception but vaguely hopeful ...
‘Just Friends’
Just friends, lovers no more
Just friends but not like before
To think of what we’ve been
And not to kiss again
Seems like pretending
It isn’t the ending
Two friends drifting apart
Two friends but one broken heart
We loved, we laughed,we cried
Then suddenly love died
The story ends and we’re just friends
Sad, huh? Well, not to be morose about the whole thing ...one man’s love is another man’s absurdity. I prefer this version of ‘Just Friends ...’ performed by Butch of the ‘Our Gang’ comedy series. His phrasing is perfect and he emotes just the right attitude capturing both the heartache of lost love and the inspired hope of a lasting friendship ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJOWKmL3fqo
Anyway, that’s how I see it.
John Kushma is a communication consultant and lives in Logan, Utah
https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-george-kushma-379a5762
Some past articles and op-eds
